Mei's Venting Space

[Mei Tatsumiya]

I am planning to vent out all my feelings here, that's all there is to it.
Anyone can comment on here, I'll might need cheering up if I have a bad day. Or you can write here just to say hi! Feel free!

[Mei Tatsumiya]

A day of happiness must always be followed by a day of sadness.
I had so much fun on Chinese New Year! I got to skip school, $50, a new MP4 player, a new journal to write stories in, and a lot more that I don't remember! I guess i was expecting the day back to school to be a lot better.
On the bus I went, so excited to see my friends after 3 days away from them. I also wanted to see my 'special someone' (I'll say his name his Jun for privacy reasons). Getting close to him isn't hard, but it is a bit scary considering my strange shy side-effects. I get hyper and say/do things I told myself not to.
I wish I would have known that he had recently gotten a girlfriend. Not to mention that his girlfriend was a girl I hated. She was from my old school and really annoyed me when I was little.

[Mei Tatsumiya]

How could this happen? Why didn't he tell me? Were we not close enough? Did I do something to deserve this? Was I wrong to think that he liked me even a little? So many questions were racing in my head too quickly, without time to get answers.
Was it really worth it to like him for more than 6 months just for it to end up like this? Did he think of me even a little when he said yes when she asked him out? Was dreaming when I thought he was looking at me in a different light than 'just friends'?
One thing I'm worried about is if she really does like him. I've seen her around school and she doesn't seem like someone who really takes things seriously. I mean, I know that when you're a teenager, you don't take many things seriously, but I don't know, I just care. Maybe I'm just using that as an excuse as to why I want them to break up.

[Mei Tatsumiya]

If what the rumor I heard is true, then I think they really should break up. I heard that she annoyed him into dating her, that's just too desperate!
I have never seen them hang out. Maybe it's because I never go outside for break though (it's way too cold to go out when you're in Canada).
I've been thinking that if she asked him and he said yes for no reason, that if I had asked, he would have said yes. But I guess that wouldn't have been right. I want him to want to go out with me, not just because I asked. I am also way too shy and can't risk what I have with him right now, even though I can barely talk to him without becoming overly jealous.

[Mei Tatsumiya]

I think my eyes have problems. I tell my self I shouldn't, but I can't help but look at him during class. Why can't my body listen to what my head says instead of my heart?
It was happening all day! At the lockers, I my eyes searched through the crowd just to look at him, even for a second.
I wonder if she knows anything about him? Like how he always goes to music class a lot faster than when it's any other class. Or how he may seem like he's innocent on the outside but weird on the inside, or any of millions of other things that make him, him.
My heart starts beating even though I only see his bus. I know that he can't see me when I'm on my bus, but I still always go to a window seat just in case. I wish I wasn't like this, it just makes it harder for me.

[Mei Tatsumiya]

I think I've gotten less awkward around Jun. Although I don't think this is a good way to deal with it. I don't think he even knows that I know he has a girlfriend! Then again, maybe he expected me to, I mean, everyone knows.
I was going to my locker and a girl was talking and pointing out his girlfriend and she had a very loudmouth so everyone heard. It sort of hurt when I heard that. I guess I was hoping that it was all just a rumor or joke. It wasn't.
Something that surprised me was that Jun is actually popular. Well, I know he's popular, but I meant with the "ladies". I was just casually talking with my friends when one of them said that someone had a crush on him. Of course, that friend didn't know I liked Jun, so that's probably why he brought it up so easily.

[Mei Tatsumiya]

It's pretty much impossible to not have to talk to him at least once. In fact, I probably talking to him like, 10 times! Each time, I had to put on a smile, even though I didn't feel like it. I'd rather he think of me as a cheerful friend than a depressed classmate.
I say this, but most of the smiles were real. He makes me laugh even when I know I shouldn't, that''s why I like him. Laughing with him, I forget things I shouldn't.

[Mei Tatsumiya]

I have a new problem. Whenever I talk to him while thinking of his relationship, I sort of get a bit mad. Like when He did a presentation, i said "boo," not loudly so no one could hear it, and only once, but I still did it. Before, I would have clapped more and said he did a nice job.
I also said some mean things with a few swear words that I won't type out here. Hehe.....
Now that I think about it, it wasn't that big of a deal. The "boo" thing I did it at the end and said it as a joke. The swear word thing he didn't really care, but the point is that I changed. I wonder if he noticed?

[Mei Tatsumiya]

I haven't written much lately when I wrote a lot at the beginning. I hope that means I got over him?......Okay, I still like him, I'm just gettin over the fact that he has a girlfriend.
I would normally keep this a secret in my heart forever, but what the heck! Why not! I think I like a new guy. I mean, I still have Jun in my heart, but I'm also thinking of someone else. Is this wrong? Am I only thinking of him because Jun got a girlfriend? I hope not, because that would be wrong. I wouldn't like it if I were the "rebound".
(For convenience reasons, I'll be calling the new guy Mitsuru.)

[Mei Tatsumiya]

I'm starting to think that there is a certain trend in my crushes. Number one: they all have some involvement in music. Corey, a crush from a really long time, had a dad who was in a metal band. Jun, was a guitar, piano, trumpet, drums and I'm sure many more player. And lastly, Mitsuru is a guitar player. Who knew that I liked music this much!?
Okay, so that's not the only reason I liked them. The number one reason I liked them was because they made me laugh. I like it when I don't have to worry about schoolwork or anything like that when I'm near them. I like to be worry less. I consider that it's good to just let your mind go blank once in a while.
I say that the number one reason I liked them was because they made me laugh, but I'm not perfect, I also like them because they're cute. I know that it's really shallow, but I that's just how I started to like them! It's not that bad, I mean, I would've dropped him as a crush if he was a total jerk! So, I'm only 1/4 shallow!

[Mei Tatsumiya]

I must be really immature. You know how kids always tease the person they like? I tend to do that. I mean, I don't go as far as to actually hurt him, but I tease him and stuff like that. If I don't do that, I won't know what to say and there will just be an awkward silence. I am pretty sure that if that happens, he'll think of me as boring and never wanna hang out with me again. Okay, maybe not that far, but he won't fell comfortable and neither will I. I am working on this problem, but it's not as easy as it seems. I guess I got used to being mean to him.

[Mei Tatsumiya]

I've had enough of this love thing. All of it is pretty useless...Okay, It isn't. I bet that it's really sweet and heartwarming. Not that I'd know. The point is, I'm just tired of all this, so now I have no crush. Jun is done, and so is Mitsuru. Okay, so I might still be a little tiny bit to Jun than other people since he and his girlfriend broke up (well, in my case, I'd be mean to him since I do that when I'm nervous). But even if it's like this, it doesn't mean that I will ever do anything else other than this...Not that I wouldn't say yes if he ever asked me out, but we all know that that's never gonna happen.

[Mei Tatsumiya]

This guy is really annoying me! First thing you should know, I'm nice to everyone I first meet. Then, I get to know them, and if they're jerks, I hate them. This guy is beyond a jerk, he's an annoying jerk! I don't even answer him when he talks to me, and he keeps talking! Does he know when to shut up?! Worst thing is, I've been told that he likes me. AHHHHH!!!!!!! Why me!?!?!?!?! Another thing, he's everywhere I go! He's sits next to me in class, is trying out for the same drama I am, on student council with me, and who knows what else will turn up sooner or later?! He talks bad about me right in front of me, is a total spaz, sexist, and who knows what else?!

[Mei Tatsumiya]

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!! This guy told me he likes me!!!!! Not the guy I was talking about last, but a different guy. He's one of my best guy friends, and I think he's a really sweet guy!!!!!! Sure, he's not that cute.....that doesn't matter.......does it? Right, personality is all that matters, and of course if I like him. Maybe I do?

[Mei Tatsumiya]

I feel absolutely awful! I realized that I don't like him in that way! And what's worse, I already told him that I might! But that was only because I was so happy that someone actually liked me, that I forgot to think about if I liked HIM. You know what's worse? I actually like his best friend and my old crush, Jun! I can't believe this! But you know, I only realized this because when I found out that (lets just call the person who likes me...Kenta) likes me, I was worried about what Jun would think. So it's not ALL my fault is it?